Introduction

In this book Dalai Lama discusses the Buddhist practices for perfecting patience and tolerance, to help overcome anger and hatred. But I found that all the techniques that he shows here can be practiced by Buddhists and non-Buddhists alike. This book can be found here.

Summary

the challenge of patience

a moment of anger can destroy the lifetime of merit - Shantideva
- at first this sounds far fetched and extreme, but if you take into account the ripple effects of anger, this is certainly true
patience cannot be practiced in isolation but in our day to day interaction with other people
patience can only be developed once we have some control over our anger
three characteristics of patience are tolerance:
- based on conscious acceptance of pain and hardship, which helps in understanding others pain and suffering and be compassionate towards them
- resulting from reflecting on the nature of reality. The more we are attached to something the more likely we get angry if we perceive a threat to it. We need to realise that the actions of others are never done in isolation but are related to the complex interdependencies in this world.
- towards injuries from others. In reality, you cannot separate the person from the circumstance that caused him to injure you and only hate him or get angry at him. Shantideva goes a step further and asks us to consider these enemies as very precious, since they are the ones who can help us practice patience!
there's no evil like hatred. There's no fortitude like patience
often the fuel for the anger is some form of discomfort. Finding this connection is the first step towards controlling anger

day one

compassion is a state of mind which is non-violent, non-aggressive and non-harming.
one aspect of compassion is to respect others' rights and their views.
hatred is pure evil as it involves having ill-will against others. Whereas anger can be beneficial some times especially when it is fuelled by compassion
state of mind is crucial to enjoying our physical health, wealth and friendship we have.
The only thing that protects us from the destructive effects of anger and hatred is tolerance and patience
to practice tolerance and patience is to seek the causal factors/conditions responsible for the origin of anger and hatred, then eliminate those instead of directly trying to go against these strong emotions
our natural tendency is to dislike suffering and like pleasure. So, any discomfort/suffering physical or mental will eventually invoke nager and hatred
there are only few causes for happiness, but many for suffering. So it is better for us to increase our tolerance for suffering
eg: by being able to tolerate smaller harms, we can prepare ourselves to tolerate greater ones in future
hatred, anger and attachment are rooted in ignorance

day two

unwholesome actions are the ones done through undisciplined state of mind, and vice-versa
practice of patience and tolerance; love and compassion; complement and reinforce each other
true hero is the one who gains victory over hatred and anger
by meditating on suffering, one can develop empathy towards the others, which will in turn help us to be more patient and tolerant
We hold grudge on animate objects and never on inanimate objects like illnesses, when the latter can equally do us harm. Just like the latter, the former could also have caused the ill-will or hatred that are out of their control
imagine someone close to you losing temper and thereby turning into an "ugly" being. Then meditate on the effects of such an outrage and realise the importance of patience and tolerance
many of the harmful acts are not done with malicious intent but out of pure ignorance or carelessness
being angry at disturbed people who harm others is like getting angry at fire for burning
being angry at people who harm when under circumstances out of their control is like blaming the sky for the overcast of clouds
why should we only hate the person who hits us with a stick and not instead hate the stick and the circumstances that are also responsible for his act?
we too might have similarly caused pain to others so it is just right that we too receive the same from others, right?
one's pain is one's own creation
many of us take petty things too seriously and things which have grave impact on us very lightly!
if someone is insulting us, it doesn't cause bodily harm. So, why should our minds be bothered with such acts?
imagine someone who gets on your nerves says something that irritates you. Further imagine your natural response to it and then observe the sequence of events that can unfold due to it. Now, meditate on what would have happened of you were to practice tolerance instead.

day three

if the person who's at the recieving end of the harm also gets angry (ignorantly) with the perpetrator, then both these people are in the same category
just like how we remove all the fire-spreading materials from a burning house to reduce its spread, we should also do similar thing in order to stop the spread of hatred. Eg: attachment is the root of hatred
if one observes carefully, one can see that the reason all conflicts and fights arise even inside a family is because of strong attachment
if we fall ill, worrying and feeling sorry for ourselves will only add additional mental burden
we also cannot blame everything on karma and take a passive attitude towards life!
visualize a person suffering badly. Now relate yourself to that person and try to share their suffering. Now make a resolution that you'll help all such sentient beings
when we hear our enemies being praised by others, we shouldn't be angry or jealous about it. Instead we should feel happy that this enemy has atleast made someone else happy
if we expect others to be happy when we are praised, then it's logical to reciprocate the same when others are being praised too
worrying when our fame/recognition decline is just like children who cry when their sandcastle topples down
our ultimate goal is the freedom from suffering. We shouldn't be distracted from it due to material gain and honor
there are opportunities for practising generosity but very few for patience. So we need to be grateful when there are enemies who inflict harm onto us
in your meditation practice the act of give-and-take. Visualize a very afflicted individual and give him all your successes whereas take all his sufferings

day four

interaction with sentient beings are very much needed for us to practice tolerance and patience.
thus one can argue that we should value sentient beings more than the Buddha's for their contribution towards our perfection of these virtuous values
in your meditation, practice thoughtlessness. By default our mind is always focused on external objects, because of sensory experience. Try to focus inward. Since there's no object to focus on, there's always the chance of falling asleep! Start by concentrating on your breath and then do meditation.
a childish compassion is one where we are compassionate towards the sufferings of sentient beings but when we come across successful people we become envious of them
people with worldly success are plagued by mental/emotional pains whereas the poor are plagued by physical pains
this is because we are all under the power and influence of ignorance!
meditate on the concept of "self". Self is an aggregation of all our experiences. There's always a difference between what we perceive and what the reality is. The conclusion here is that things are not independent or inherent as we think of them as. But instead, things are dependent on other factors. This is what is meant by meditating on emptiness.